"The Internet is like a giant jellyfish. You can't step on it. You can't go around it. You've got to get through it." -- John Evans

You know how badly I want a fish named sushi, so I can watch her swim around her bowl, eating little freeze-dried shrimp.

Yeah, I know. That sounds a little sick and twisted.

But, it's a fish-eat-fish world, baby. That's why I've got some fish of my own to fry.

{{SPLISH news SPLASH}}

Today, I'm the one, doin' flips for six-week-old shrimp, in a bowl ... FishbowlDC, that is. And, let me tell ya, swimmin' laps with Mr. Patrick Gavin ... it's pretty supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

So, get out your poles, and open another can of worms, Nemo. It's time to read the Media Bistro interview I did today @ FishBowlDC.

So long (for now), and thanks for all the fish,
KAC

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Even though the sound of it
Is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough
You'll always sound precocious

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!

Here is a brain twister for you: Exactly why am I am I singing this song today?

"This past weekend we went to the totally-out-of-control BIRTHDAY party of Washington socialite KELLY ANN COLLINS. Now we know the newly single KAC is a socialite, but secret -- she parties like a rock star. The girl had the attention of 200 overly excited guests, I think it is the first time I ever saw that flower guy sell out. It was a great party and 1223|SPANK did an amazing job for her and all of her guests. Treatment in their VIP lounge really is something special."

-- Sonja Torkelsen, Club Chair magazine's Washington editor

Ha! Love that description of the party, Sonja. Thank you for coming out to join us. I really couldn't have said that better myself.

She is right. It really was a fantabulous time. But, wow. I can't stop thinking ... everyone was so shiny and downright goofin' messy in the pics that I've seen. So, here is a new theory I am throwing around: If you look all goofy, shiny and funkaay in your 2 a.m. photos, you are probably having a happy, hot and funkaay time. Because that's exactly what we were doing. ;-)

Photo: L-R: Big Head Blog's Rob Capriccioso + me + Club Chair's Sonja Torkelsen at Absolute Addiction's weekly Friday party at SPANK!

Restaurants named after ... bugs.
By Kelly Ann Collins

Is it just me ... or is it weird that two of our favorite neighborhood hangouts -- Firefly and Dragonfly -- are named after creepy, wingy crawlers? Yo. What is up with that, grasshopper? MeOw. >:-p

About Last Night ... Petunia Play
By Mercurial

Tired from an indulgent weekend of tequila, lemon drops, bloody Marys and bacon cheeseburgers with KAC and friends, I decide to go directly home after work (for a change).

It was early in the week, and my plan for the evening was simple: Nap. Dishes. Laundry. Blah. Blah. Blah. But, in Mercurial's world, things rarely go as planned.

So, I got home from work and slept for a while, and then headed outside in my summer PJs to enjoy the cool night air and a Nat Sherman clove.

But just as I'd started to relax, a CUTIE in a suit and tie appeared from out of the night and asked for a smoke. Interesting.

(Naturally, I obliged.)

Tony (names have been changed to protect the guilty) was stumbling home from a celebration with his friends -- something about a big promotion at his firm. We conversed for a while and, although I'd never seen him before, he said that I used to brighten his morning bus ride to the Metro.

Chit chat. Laughter. Flirtation.

Two hours later, he went upstairs (yep, conveniently he lives in my building) to grab us a couple of cold ones.

While he was gone, I noticed that the flower beds in our courtyard were dying, so I took it upon myself to turn on the hose and water them. (Hey, I'm a take-action kinda gal.)

But, before I could fully revive the petunias, he was back. And he said he wanted to see me wet -- not the flowers.

(Well, why wouldn't he?)

"Don't test me," I said with a smirk.

But, he did.

Tony tried to grab the hose from me, so I turned it on him full-force, sabotaging his celebratory tie and expensive leather shoes.

And then, he playfully returned the favor (I couldn't shut the damned thing off and just ended up running and laughing barefoot in the grass).

OK. At this point I am SOBBING wet. Hair, PJs -- and all. Then suddenly, he found me even more irresistible.

Apparently, he's a leg man. Mine are infamous.

I asked what he had in mind, and he described it. (Use your imagination here, folks.)

So, I liked what I heard, and invited him in.

Yes, my friends, t'was another sleepless night for Mercurial. But my EXPERIENCES (I lost count after four) with Tony were worth it.

Afterwards, I told him that although he was welcome to stay, he shouldn't feel obligated. However, I did not wake up alone.

Could this be Mercurial's dream come true? Is Tony my new "jump off" -- a deliciously sexy man who can give a gal an EXPERIENCE whenever she desires? Or, was this morning merely the end of a quick summer romance?

I'll keep you posted.

Until we meet again,
Mercurial

P.S. Sorry, neighbors, if Tony and I kept you up all night. Although ... I can't promise it won't happen again.

Save the date: D.C.'s first-ever District Sample Sale kicks off Tuesday, Sept. 12.

Sponsored by Relish, One80 Salon, Roberto Cavalli Vodka, Sapporo beer and Leopold's Kafe, this fundraiser -- modeled after SoHo and TriBeCa warehouse events -- will bring more than 20 local boutiques together in the name of charity. The stores will sell their end-of-season wares at liquidation-level prices, donating a portion of the proceeds to Suited for Change.

The sale is from 6 to 10 p.m. at 3307 M Street in Georgetown. Click here for the press release. Buy your tickets at districtsamplesale.com.

Were You On The List?
By Kelly Ann Collins

We toasted to, well, me on Friday with a party -- right here at Dupont Circle in Washington, D.C.

Dragonfly and Spank were both off. the. hook. We did a little bar-hopping thing that turned out to be more like a block party.

The clubs were packed with entertainment industry leaders, sports stars, techies, journalists, DJs, best-selling authors, models, bloggers -- AND the sexiest bartenders in the city (yes, the girl in the pic was really there).

We definitely had our hotness bases covered ... and, it was a unique blend of fun and friends -- a good time for all. Thanks for comin' out, D.C.!

>> Read more about the party @ DC STYLE magazine
>> Get a sneak peek at this week's Absolute Addiction newsletter
>> Not on the list? Sign up for our alerts so you can get on the party list! ;-D

Britney Spears. What can we say? She teases us with her sexy moves, erotic innuendo, barely there attire and Southern charm.

No matter what she's got up her sleeve (or skirt), it's bizarre ... we just can't get enough of that Louisiana lass. She really should launch her own line of maternity clothing.

That would be downright hot, y'all.

Lindsay Lohan's 3BR Sunset Strip condo at Sierra Towers -- home to celebs like Kate Moss, Cher and Matthew Perry -- is on the market. The asking price? $2.8M.

Yeah, it may sound a bit expensive, but it just depends on your perspective. To some, this leftover teen-queen's pad could be virtually priceless. Just think of the ownership possibilities for ...

Her Crazed Stalker: Judge's ruling: "You are hereby sentenced to five years of house arrest."

Random Slimy Namedropper: "I outbid Nicole on Lindsay's condo. ... Yeah, that Cher is a noisy neighbor. ... Ran into Kate the other day.

Hollywood Coke Fiend: {{Knock on Kate Moss' door}} "Hi neighbor. Could I please borrow a bump of sugar?"

Lindsay bought the place in 2005 for $1.9M, but didn't move in. She said she prefers living at the Chateau Marmont hotel, instead. But insider reports indicate that hotel management is sick of her all-night parties, and her accountants are tired of her huge bills.

"They are trying to kick her out. It is very disruptive with all of her friends coming in and out and her late nights," one source said. "Even for the Chateau, it is too much."

So, will happen if the hotel kicks Lindsay out and her condo sells? Our sources have no idea.

But, Lindsay Lohan, living on a park bench in some tanorexic hell along the streets of South Beach because no hotel will take her and she sold her vacant home? Priceless.

Greetings loyal KAC allies and adversaries:

Mercurial here, the wildest, wickedest and wittiest addition to KAC's infamous socialite circle.

Would I consider myself a Washington socialite? Not necessarily.

But I LOVE the nightlife. And although I am (unfortunately) a corporate drone during the week, I'm in the scene 4 to 5 nights a week on the average. "School night" is not in my vocabulary. And KAC is my SUBLIME partner in crime.

Mercurial: A Brief Snapshot

Single. Over 21.

Each moment is an adventure. My final destination is always a mystery.
The story writes itself. And I would have it no other way.

I'm a gypsy - the kind of woman who carries a spare set of EVERYTHING, including office attire. (Hey, a gal's GOTTA be prepared.)

Boiling point? 356.58 degrees Celsius.
Translation: SIZZLING.

It's impossible to drain my energy or impromptu spirit. Perhaps Superman's artic fortress of solitude may cool my intensity. (That's assuming it's colder than -38.87 degrees c.)

So, forget Bonnie and Clyde. KAC and Mercurial are unstoppable and coming soon to a venue near you.

Until we meet again,
Mercurial

P.S. I'm the kind you don't take home to mother. Unless of course, you are a free spirit too.

This arrived via e-mail yesterday:



Word travels pretty quickly when I cut a man off of the KAC List. *snip*

One of my exes (and his current g/f) actually sent me that heartfelt card. Kinda weird when an ex (and his chick) cares enough about your so-called dating life to send the very best. Uh, hmm, whatever.

Dear KAC,

I have been following your online cams, blogs, messageboards, and chats since 2000, and I met you at a happy hour you did at the Ritz-Carlton in Georgetown to raise money for Rachel's Women's Center.

Just want to say thanks for brightening my boring cube workweeks for the past 6 years.

Hope you had a nice summer. Just wondering if you have any big plans for fall?

Best wishes,
J.R. from Fairfax


Dear J.R.,

I'm gonna quit my job, buy some black leather pants and become "that hot geeky chick" in kung fu movies. I'll look coy, wear lots of makeup, host charity events and scream ... a lot. It'll rock.

All about the fiendish grasshopper crush,
KAC

P.S. Check out my future ex-husband, Todd, in the Kwoon video, which is embedded in this blog entry (he's the one smart one with the bloody nipples).

Dear KAC,

I hope this isn't a silly question, but once you have a list of events to go to (I'm assuming you could literally buy your way into any event) how does an aspiring socialite make those lasting connections with legitimate socialites and not come off as a dreaded social climber or wanna be? How do you make the friendships that will get you into the exclusive events that you can't buy your way into? Thanks.

-Noelle-Marie

Noelle-Marie,

I don't "make friends" with people just so I can get into events. That would be rude, cheesy and fake.

My inner social circle consists of a select group of friends that I trust, and my social network is made up of good, fun and interesting social butterflies that like the same things I like.

I have seen social climbers (a.k.a. poseurs) in action and they annoy me. They bug my friends, too. But sometimes we do let them into our networks so they can entertain us, and pour our champagne when the wait staff is busy smoking pot in the alley.

Social climbers are trying to get to the top of a network that just doesn't fit them very well. I never understood it. It would be like me, trying to hang with a group of Olympic swimmers. I would sooo not fit in. And, I would look like an idiot trying to do laps with them in my pretty gold bikini, bracelets and waterproof makeup.

My best advice would be: find your niche ... get involved with groups that share your interests ... be true to yourself ... and think twice about knocking on my door. I'll just put you to work.

Vogue, vogue, vogue,
KAC

Question taken from DC STYLE comments on my Washington Socialite-ism 101 column.

This is cool. You can now reserve tables at Spank / MCCXXI, Play, Modern and Lima online via AbsoluteAddiction.com.

It is really easy to do. And then, you get your name (or party name) listed (if you want) on the site. See, even a Washington socialite can figure out how to reserve a table online. [See my party here. ] Yay. And I love how they make me feel all Web-savvy and stuff. :-p

Absolute Addiction rocks. Hard.

The Rock N Roll Hotel opens this week in D.C.

But don't geet confused. It's not a hotel, it's a nightclub -- complete with suites and private rooms. Rockstars say the party's going to go all. night. long.

Read my overview of the The Rock N Roll Hotel @ STYLE magazine.

Rock on!
KAC

I am stuck in D.C., sick as a dog, popping Cipro, as Editorial Dude parties down with Playboy magazine in Miami and Ft. Lauderdale.

What. Is. Fair. About. This. Scenario?

So anyway, looking forward to the birthday party that my pals are throwing me next weekend.

Our event manager [pic] had this great idea: a goldfish-themed party with fishbowls full of goldies scattered on tables throughout Spank nightclub. But that idea tanked because of some animal cruelty law. Are goldfish really animals? Come on. It's not like we were going to eat them (or sacrifice some of our champagne for a few drunken fish laughs). Puh-leeze. Whatever.

Well, at least our media coordinator, Big Head Rob [pic], is happy. He is not a big goldfish -- or Fishbowl -- fan. And, at least Marty Beckerman (author of Generation Slut and hater of loud discotheques) will not be disappointed that he missed out on a sleazy evening in a drunken poisson-filled VIP room.

In other news, Washington Business Journal recently took a look at the new glossies (Capitol File, DC Style and DC Magazine) and declared, "Well, they're still glossy and pretty. But not as fat as before. And in the publishing business, that is not a good thing. Page counts have dropped at two out of three, but the mood at each of the three D.C. offices is still upbeat." [via Fishbowl DC]

Woof, woof!
KAC

Ben Affleck got a signed baseball from Los Angeles Angels player Howie Kendrick for his birthday, courtesy of Access Hollywood.

This gift was meant as a funloving joke since last month, during a Red Sox vs. Angels game, big fan Ben upset fans when he tried to catch his first foul ball -- and almost collided with Angels' first baseman Howie Kendrick.

Kendrick, who ended up catching the ball, signed a baseball for Ben's 34th birthday (August 15, 2006). It said: "Sorry I didn't let you grab that foul ball, but I had a job to do, but nice try though even for a Red Sox fan."

Affleck said: "All that Little League training, and Babe Ruth, and I was like, here it is, I was going to basket it. ... It's the closest I've ever come to playing major league baseball."

You got your ball, stop your whining, Ben.

Courteney Cox wants to set the record straight. She says Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn "are absolutely not engaged."

Last night, at a fundraiser for the EBMRF (Epidermolysis Bullosa Medical Research Foundation), Courteney said, "They didn't get engaged that night and they are absolutely not engaged. ... Unless it happened in the last 20 minutes. ... No, it did not happen."

Well, that is depressing news. I mean, even if they do end up getting engaged all the excitement will be gone. Pfft.

Someone, please, bump up the Redskinette budget.

We went to an exclusive video viewing of the Redskin Cheerleaders' 2006-07 calendar photo shoot and discovered that the poor girls could not afford burgundy icing (their cake was black and gold), fresh food or bikini tops.

It just breaks my heart to see the "First Ladies of Football" in this state. Someone, anyone (Laura Bush? Cuba? Anyone?), please show them the money.

Read all about it in my column this week @ STYLE mag.

We love prep as much as the next guy. Really, is there anything better than a crocodile, penguin, tiger, moose, whale, eagle, or pony on your shirt to tell people, "Hey, my shirt cost $80. I've got more money than you!"

But now, we can't go more than 5 minutes without seeing someone wearing the same pique polo. That guy who begs for change down at 19th & K? Yeah, well, today we might as well have been twins. Granted, his was probably rescued from a dumpster or purchased at an outlet, but dang, how to make yourself feel even more special when you're competing with the homeless?

Peter McBride, 22, might have the answer.

While scoping out a tattoo parlor here in the nation's capital, a brilliant idea came to him: "I noticed [a] polo shirt and made my decision." So, he sat down and got a Polo pony tatooed on his chest.

This trend, however, which has others marking their bodies with Playstation, Chanel, Gucci and Windows (huh?) logos, isn't leaving everyone happy with the final results.

In New York, a tattoo artist named Ennis recently saw a man with a Lacoste crocodile on his neck. "He wanted it off," says Ennis. "He didn't say why. He just said get rid of it."

Okay, okay, we get it. iPods are cool. They're hip. And those ubiquitious white -- ahem, horribly uncomfortable -- earbuds are everywhere. Heck, we've got a Nano, and love it.

But with the invasion has come a whole slew of accessories: cases, stands, 141 books on Amazon, even a dock to plug in your favorite little mp3 player when you're on the toilet.

We're fine with all this -- even if, in our opinion, most of these seem pretty stupid. But when our Nano starts becoming a part of clothing, well dang it, we've got to put our foot down.

First, there was the TuneBuckle. Then, we heard that Thomas Pink had introduced a "commuter tie," whatever that is.

Now we're hearing that Levi Strauss has jumped on the bandwagon. Soon to be available: a $257 pair of jeans with retractable headphones and an integrated docking unit. You know, just in case the "putting iPod in pocket, plugging in buds and sticking in ears" isn't really cutting it for you.

Let's put it this way: these iJeans are lame. And if you dare decide to don them, we certainly won't be happy to see you.

*** Disclaimer: Depressed people of the WWW, do not read this. It will only make things worse.***

"Why haven't you been blogging?" about 20 letters in the mailbag ask ...

Because, you guys. I have been sick, sick, sick. Sorry. But I am sure it has been worse for me than you.

Grrr.

I missed my birthday party on Friday because I was ill. In bed. Ugh. So, I hope everyone had fun at my party. Heard you did. (Uhh, what kinda friends party without the birthday girl, huhh?!)

Nevertheless, there is another party (but I am sooo not making this bday location public, like my 2004 one). Yup. My birthday has been rescheduled for the 25th.

One good thing about that ... I get to stay younger longer. As if. Anyway, even if I could swing that, I still have a mild fever, so even if I could stay young a few days longer, who would care? Not moi, and certainly not DCB. I'd still be a spinster to that dord. *rolls eyes*

Thank God for makeup. Especially bronzer. Tyson (my makeup artist) said it would make sick me look sik [sic] and it did. Thank you, Tyson. (You can visit him @ MAC in Chinatown if you want your own bronzer. Tell him the socialite sent you.)

Thank God for Motrin. I have realized that 800mg of this stuff every four hours will keep my fever down and take the pain away. Thanks for the tip, Newch. And thanks to the person that discovered that good, nasty-tasting junk (don't chew it, bleeechh).

But, ibuprofen (Motrin) can also make one think they are better when they're not. Like me, Saturday.

I worked til 7 p.m. to catch up on email and some stuff. Then, I totally crashed and ended up in bed from Saturday night til Tuesday a.m. Yeah. Tuesday a.m. Ugh. I am so sick of reality TV dating show reruns, infomercials with poodle-headed blonde women and their thin fuchsia lips, and Pretty in Pink (Do they have to show this lame movie again and again all weekend long?). Trust me, nobody looks good in Pepto-Bismol pink. Nobody. Especially redheads. Am I the ONLY person on this Earth that realizes red hair and shades of pink do not mix?

Editorial Dude was sick, too. He had a virus. I wonder what he watched all weekend? Probably The Man Show, Stern or something on The Playboy Channel. Erghhh. Men get ass on their channels. Women get whiney women that cry, obsess and sew stupid crap.

At first, I thought I had the same virus he had. Then, my doc thought I had a sinus infection since my allergies were all wonky. But no. I found out yesterday that my temp had been rising because I had a kidney infection (THOSE HURT!).

What caused it?
Something evil and tempting.
Godiva chocolate.
(Well, that's my theory.)

Editorial Dude and I had been going to the Godiva Boutique by the Mayflower almost every day. We popped over after lunch at Panache. After lunch at ABP. After lunch at the Beacon. After,, well, you get the pic. I think the chocolate made me sick and gave me a kidney infection. Bad, bad good chocolate. They make these peanut butter things there every morning ... my weakness. The Godiva-PB-treat-makin' lady is. the. devil. She should sit and spin on this for her devilishly delicious desserts.

Sorry, E. Dude. We're gonna have to eat something else when we get the 3 p.m. shakes.

Was it worth it? Well, as I swallow more AZO concentrated cranberry supplement crap via champagne flute of cranberry juice with no sugar in it and Perrier, and down a Cipro-URISTAT every eight hours ... I am thinking: No.

Lady Godiva must die. So must the Perrier marketing people ... they ripped off my Washington Socialites logo. Ugh.

On a positive note ... Motrin ads are hot,
KAC

The DC Chapter of Drinking Liberally is hosting a special pre-launch showing of the new Sundance Channel series THE HILL this week.

The event will feature free appetizers and $1 off on drinks. At 7:30, you'll have the chance to see the premiere episode, "Fighting the Good Fight," followed by Q&A with the documentary subjects Eric Johnson, Jonathan Katz, Lale Mamaux and Halie Soifer. This is an open event for all -- don't miss out!

Pre-launch Party Info

WHEN: Thursday, August 10, 2006
TIME: 6:30PM to 9:00PM
PLACE: Timberlake's Restaurant, 1726 Connecticut Ave., NW. Dupont Circle Metro

Show Info

PREMIERE: August 23, 2006
OFFICIAL SITE: Visit THE HILL @ Sundance
PREMISE: Set in the office of Congressman Robert Wexler (Democrat, Florida), THE HILL is a Sundance Channel documentary series about the charged world of congressional politics.

Too late to call City Lights of China for delivery? Never fear, Miss (Web-savvy, Yet Non-Domestic) Goddess. KAC is here.

Today @ STYLE mag: Attack That Kitchen Panic ... In 10 Days (Or Less)

This Hunter S. Thompson quote about George W. Bush is the blurb du jour, (and it's giving me some major deja vu):

"He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer. I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing.

He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn't pay much attention to him.

But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I'd been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away."

- Hunter S. Thompson, on meeting George W. Bush at a Houston, TX., Super Bowl party in 1974

OK, now. Pop quiz: Who looks better in funky sunglasses: Hunter S. Thompson, Tori Spelling or G Dubya?

Forget the stilettos and put away those diamonds.

A survey by Girls Gone Wired has found that women prefer tech gadgets (like plasma televisions, laptops and iPods ) to more traditional luxuries (like Manolo Blahnik and Return to Tiffany chokers).

The poll found that 77 per cent of women surveyed would prefer a new plasma television to a diamond solitaire necklace and 56 per cent would opt for a new plasma TV over a weekend vacation in Florida.

The study, of 1,400 women and 700 men aged 15 to 49, found 86 per cent would prefer a new digital video camera to a pair of designer shoes, while if given 500 dollars to splurge, most women would choose an iPod over a shopping spree.

In related news ...

It is rumored that Victoria's Secret models Alessandra Ambrosio and Gisele Bundchen (who a couple of my guy friends say looks to be wearing a VS wireless bra under that robe) heard that gadgets are the new "in" thing.

Trying to stay ahead of the trend curve, the girls borrowed a couple of laptops from some stagehands but became confused. The girls apparently tried to boot-up the Apple MacBooks, but failed because they could not find the laces.

It's OK, ladies. Just smile and we'll forgive you.

Tori Spelling received an honor for the "time, enthusiasm and amazing ideas" that she has contributed to Much Love Animal Rescue at a charity event for the organization Saturday.

Upon accepting her award, Tori (who is the proud parent to two Much Love rescues) said, "... My family tells me that the word 'dog' was one of my first words. They told me first it was 'dad,' second it was 'dog,' and then third, oddly enough, it was 'mom.'"

Backstage she said, "... that was a joke. I was trying to be funny up there."

In regards to how she was feeling in the wake of her father's recent passing, Spelling said, "I'm doing okay. I have a lot of love and support around me ... I have a tight group of friends that give me endless support; they're like my family. And I have my loving husband."

The Much Love event was held at the Malibu estate of John Paul & Eloise DeJoria (Paul Mitchell Hair Products and John Paul Pet).

The evening began at 5 p.m. with a silent auction, icebar hosted by Tequila Patron, wine courtesy of Semler Winery and hor d'oeuvres in the magnificent courtyard overlooking the mountains.

Guests then moved through the house to the lawn area overlooking the ocean for a three-course meal catered by Jennifer Naylor, the former executive chef of the Wolfgang Puck restaurant, Granita.

Performances by Oscar-nominated Bird York (Crash) and a live auction were also part of the festivities. One lucky party-goer won a $1000 shopping spree at dog.com, another won a Ford Escape Hybrid, and one won a private stay for eight on Blue Heaven Island in Tahiti.

** Watch Tori in an exclusive interview tonight on Access Hollywood. **

I still want a fish named Sushi.

So, until I get one (or get sick of looking at them), I am going to decorate my website with little goldfishies.

The Senator is mesmerized by Death Metal Office Drumming Pud. I, however, still think Breakin' Pud is da bomb. Why?

1. You gotta love the look on suit man's face at White Castle.

2. Of course, Pud would be the first programmer to breakdance to a 1980s rap jam that is all about the wiki-wiki-wiki-wiki -- years before the wiki.

3. Mmmmm. Donuts.

Rock a steam locomo ride off the track. And give the whole wide world a funk attack. A to the beat y'all, get down. Let me rock it to the rhythm of the funk sound.

Chuck Kuhn, CEO of JK Moving & Storage, has been named Chairman of Fight Night 2006 -- one of Washington’s most highly-anticipated, dynamic and successful charity fundraisers.

Now entering its 17th year, this annual event has grown both in prestige and impact. Some 2,200 of the nation's business and government leaders, as well as celebrities from the arts and sports industries, gather to enjoy cigars, a steak dinner, and a night at the fights. Local entrepreneurs vie to chair Fight Night and to outdo the previous year's fundraising records (which Chuck has done).

This year's Fight Night (men-only) takes place Thursday, Nov. 2, at the Washington Hilton and Towers, at 6:30 p.m. Knock Out Abuse, the (women-only) "sister event" to Fight Night, kicks off that evening as well. At the end of the night, the men and women meet up at an after-party celebration.

Congrats to Chuck for fighting the good fight! We hope to see everyone at the event!

• More info and photos here.

If a crazed Princess Leia fan can be a socialite in the Jedi Council Forums, then there is a good chance that you, too, can be a socialite in your universe.

Read How To Climb To The Top (Of Any Social Network) this week at STYLE magazine.

Ohhhh, help me teach them, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Don't get all excited.

Drank too much coffee, so I'm kinda wired and playing around with the logo in Fireworks until I feel sleepy. Will probably decide the new look is stupid ... after I have my a.m. java in about six hours, but then it will be time to do on other things.

So, even if I think the new logo totally sucks, I will not get to take it down til ... Wednesday morning (or evening) since I have a date Tuesday night and will probably decide that blogging is less fun than god's gift to this woman: man.

Speaking of Wired ...

I still like that headline on page 108 of the July 2006 print edition: Where the Truth Lies, which heads up the article about An Inconvenient Truth. Clever. I also like Kevin Bacon by the pool. Yum. Wired thing, I think you move me. But I gotta know for sure.

In other snooze ...

There's been a lot of hate on my blog lately, which could only mean one thing: Pud, fix your stupid message board! Or not. I kinda love the hate. Wild thing. You make my heart sing.

On another lovely note ...

Where the hell is Editorial Dude? Off with some Playmate? I have not seen him since he wandered off from the Great American Condom Campaign party about two weeks ago with a tummy full of vino, cookies in one hand, slices of cheese in the other ... and two pockets full of condoms.

Hey, speaking of condoms ...

Where is my freakin', email-checkin' intern? Surely I have at least 50 emails just begging for a click. But why should I check my own email when I have an intern?

That would just be like getting my own coffee ... which, like an email login, would be very a insomnimaniacal thing to do right now. Hmm ... maybe. Nah. Pfft. Forget that.

Gonna look in the fridge again. Come on, wild thing.