Ahh, remember the Z104 Matthew Blades Radio Program? I miss that show.

Ergh, remember the "Outta Your League" contest, which involved me going on an all-day date with a *ahem* loser that involved a salon makeover, and then a night on the town? Remember my hound dog of a date? I. don't. miss. him.

Wow. I just listened to some of the my Z104 audio clips and have determined that I sound like a real self-centered biatch when I am on the air. Wait a minute. I am a self-centered biatch.

• Listen to one of my Z104 interviews here
• Check out Mathew's new radio home in Denver ... and give him a howl!

Speaking of howls, what kinda dog are you? According to this quiz, I am doggone Cocker Spaniel. Pfft! Whatevs.

Labels: ramblings, z104

Paris finally found a New Year's Eve gig ... in Australia.

She's going to help judge a contest to find a new beer-guzzling skank, er, I mean, spokesmodel for Bondi Blonde Beer -- the only beer company that doesn't seem to have a website.

BondiBeer.com just redirects to a myspace page. Uh, kinda weird for a big beer company, no?

Labels: celebs, new years, paris hilton, trashin

So, I learned that Paris Hilton is outta work this New Year's Eve. What? Nobody wanted to skank in the new year? Aww. Too bad.

In other news ...

Some changes are coming in 2007 for the old KAC site, which will be down soon for a redesign.

Meanwhile, we've been celebrating the THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of this website! Yay!

If you visit this site often, you probably know that since its launch, I've been harassed, sued, stalked, used and abused. Thank God I resisted the urge to be on all of those reality TV shows. And that Jerry Springer Show with the pornstar that wanted to reveal his secret crush on me. Ugh. That woulda been very bad. So. Glad. I. Skipped. That. One.

One good thing that's come outta this mess?

Now we all know where Karl Rove gets his hair done ... people like to throw champagne at Diddy parties ... I am a klutz that does not look hot in scrubs and stilettos ... I drank more than I shoulda in Vegas (who doesn't?) ... and Paris takes stupid pics when she thinks nobody's looking.

Photo: Friends of Washington Socialites party like it's 1999.

Labels: new years, paris hilton, ramblings

Making a lotta buzz - not a lotta sense in '05 and 06.



Nov. 13, 2006: Washington Post - Live Discussion: Dating in D.C.
Sept. 21, 2006: The Intersection - A Grand Social Experiment
Sept. 26, 2006: WaPo Express - Local Blog Log: New Home for Huge Head
Sept. 22, 2006: Big Head Blog - KAC Socks it to DC Bachelor
Sept. 21, 2006: The Intersection - A Grand Social Experiment
Sept. 20, 2006: The Intersection - Taking the blinders off
Sept. 18, 2006: The Intersection - Not Your Average Science Blogs Post
Sept. 9, 2006: Marty Beckerman - KAC: Too good for us
Aug. 31, 2006: FishBowlDC / MediaBistro - FishBowl Interview: Kelly Ann Collins
Aug. 27, 2006: Big Head Rob - The KAC/Senator Break-Up: Camelot Is Over
Aug. 15, 2006: Washington Post / ReadExpress.com - BAD REDSKINS REVIEW: Is Dan Snyder listening?
July 24, 2006: Circumlocator - circumlocutor to KAC: mea culpa à la mode
July 11, 2006: Circumlocator - Circumlocutor to KAC: Betty Ford Ain't So Bad...
June 29, 2006: Wonkette - Metro Section: More Is Better
June 16, 2006: The Liquid Muse - Kelly Ann Collins, DC Blogger and Socialite
June 15, 2006: Washington Post / ReadExpress.com - Local Blog Log: Airplane Reading
June 15, 2006: Consumerist - Kelly Ann Collins henchman returns
June 9, 2006: Consumerist - Oh Bun Pain!
June 8, 2006: FishbowlDC / MediaBistro
Kelly Ann Collins is "back on the blogosphere in full force ..."
May 25, 2006: Big Head Rob - KAC vs. Cutler: Timeline of Hate
May 24, 2005: Wonkette - KAC teaches the WaPo’s "nightlife amateurs" a thing or two
May 5, 2006: Washington Post / ReadExpress.com - Local Blog Log: Only the happiest haters
May 20, 2005: Washington Post - The New Society Pages
May 20, 2005: Circle V - The Interview
May 20, 2005: Anacostia Diaries - Socialite Wars: Revenge of the People
May 9, 2005: CPMC - WS chasing CPMC?
April 18, 2005: Society of Professional Journalists - KAC on Panel: Is Blogging Journalism?

Photo: Jeff Gannon, KAC, Big Head Rob

Labels: big head rob, buzz, jeff gannon, kac on the town

Yeah. I know ... When I'm tan, I do look like Geraldo's long lost daughter, er, I mean, wife.

Other things we discovered through WS.com and KAC.com ...

• In the name of charity, I put myself up for auction ... and one of my Internet stalkers called in a bid -- and won me. UGHGHGH!
  

• Ugh. Remember when I dated that idiot that got that stupid coffee maker for me? (I wrote that post and *had to brag* about him in because he was upset that I hadn't mentioned him on my blog. Blecch! "my boyfriend, my boyfriend, blaaahh!" I was too nice back then.


• Oh geez. This post about getting into The Mile High Club is wayyy too long.
  
  
• Blog Log. That's hot. So are the KAC readers on Blog Log (check them out, in the right-hand column). I just started that and need to add more readers to the community ... promise I will get to it soon!
  


• Ahh, remember when I thought it was a good thing to
  be in the Urban Dictionary? (It totally isn't, especially when your parents find that c$@p!)


• Oh. Never post dorky family stories -- or photos! Just some friendly blog advice. Ack!
  


• I still love this photo. :-)
  


• Yes. I really did fall outta SPANK's VIP area. Don't ask. Pfft.
  


• Remember the time I moved in with a guy, then wanted to shoot myself in the head? UGH! Stupid, Kelly, stupid
  
  
• My fascination with DC massage parlors. Eeek!
  


• Oh lord. Yes, I really had my hair cut off and bleached ... then I hung out with Philip Kaplan's Fucked Company groupies. ;-p
  


• X-calibre's post on the blog. Right before he got kicked off. I had dinner with him last night. That guy STILL likes to push my buttons!
  


• Oh, geesh! I was actually excited about gmail?! Dork alert! (But I am still using it.)
  
  

Yes, it's been twisted. But, what can I say? Attorneys love me. Then again ... so do pornstars.

Labels: geraldo, new years, ramblings, washington socialites

Sex, money and power control this world.

Flip on HBO, Cinemax or, hell, Lifetime Televison for Women and you will see that sex, money and power are at the core of our universe.

But what's life like for someone who lacks money, sex or power?

I feel sorry for the billionaire who can't get laid and the sexy chick with no brain power. And ... the cranky old man who can make men jump with the flip of an eyelid, but has never loved, makes my heart ache. *tear drop*

If you are not having sex, are you prudish or just fuggin' twisted? If you don't vote, are you powerless or apathetic? If you are having a lot of sex, are you a whore or just sore? If you have no money, are you lazy or lacking materialism?

What is going on with the staunchly religious and sexless woman ... and the man so consumed with power that he has never had the chance to enjoy his money? *grinch*

Do you feel compassion for the woman that lacks sexual prowess? Do you feel sad for the man who dances on street corners for change? Do you pity the nation with no power?

If you could only have ONE, which would you choose: Money, sex or power?

Labels: ramblings, the sleep deprived

People say celebrities don't play in D.C., but that's a bunch of Oscar Mayer baloney.

You don't have to go to Hollywood to cross paths with Rambo, G.I. Jane ... or Alexis Carrington. All you have to do is follow your glam-sniffin' nose (or get a few strategically placed publicists drunk at Cafe Milano).

• Read more of my crazy thoughts @ STYLE
  

Labels: cafe milano, celebs, kac on the town, night shift, style mag

OK. I remember being at FLY. But I don't remember this guy.

And I sure don't remember kissing anyone on the cheek while James took pix. I mean, if someone had asked me to identify the man in this picture before I'd seen this snapshot I woulda said, "I've never seen this man before in my life."

That, my friends, is the definition of what I like to call flash memory. Easily erased, hard to trace. Yep, the only difference between me and Fujifilm's blogger-friendly Z5fd is that you can permanently erase incriminating pix from the Z5fd by pressing a little button ... however, for me, it takes a couple of digicam flashes and a stiff Red Bull-Grey Goose to zap my memory card, but the pics remain ... and sometimes they pop up in the strangest cybergalactic spots.

You know, I always thought it was kinda odd, but maybe that's why so many club culture clubbers go MIB and wear their sunglasses at night.

Labels: fly, gadgets, grey goose, james, kac on the town, kac pics, random men, red bull, tipsy

There's Mobog, there's Yafro and there's Flickr. But what's girl to do when she wants to easily post pics to her personal blog?

Meet the Fujifilm Z5fd, a teeny 6.3 megapixel digital camera that comes complete with a Blog Mode. The feature automatically optimizes pics for your blog.

If only it could code, research, answer reader e-mails and write posts, too.

Labels: blog trends, cool sites, daytime, gadgets

D.C.'s hot mamas and daddies were at Capitol File mag's 1st anniversary party. Sexpot Alex Pareene -- who informs me that he is now 21-years-old -- was there as well.

No, I was not invited. Why? Because all my hats are Von Dutch, my ass is too fat and I work for the competition.

In other words ... my big head, big butt and big pen wouldn't have fit through the doors of National Portrait Gallery as easily as Fran Drescher's new hair did.

Labels: alex pareene, capitol file, dc fashion, Fran Drescher, style mag, wonkette

Enquiring minds want to know ... is Paris Hilton engaged again?



And if so ... who's the unlucky man?



Oh, that would be 21-year-old Stavros Niarchos III, grandson of Stavros Niarchos, the rival of Aristotle Onassis ... and great-grandson of socialite Gloria Guinness.

Labels: celebs, dirt, paris hilton

What the hell is going on with Beyonce's head? Huh>!?! Is Beyonce's head, uh, falling apart? Fix that head, gurl!

Labels: celebs, dirt, fuggin

Is Gawker breaking some child blogo-labor laws over at Wonkette?

Ana Marie Cox is long gone. She retired from the Wonkette blog earlier this year. Now, less than a year since her departure, the blog has already been through not one, but two editors.

The latest Blogger-in-Charge? Alex Pareene.

Originally from Minnesota, 20-year-old Alex used to be a temp at Gawker. After Ana Marie left, he stepped on as co-editor with attorney David Lat [See photo / David, left; Alex, right]. But then David left, too. He is now working on the "Above the Law" site.

Geesh, now that Momma Ana and Daddy David are gone ... I hope Alex isn't afraid to be home alone.

Are the folks over at Gawker hurting so badly that they have to resort to child labor? Christ, in between his 20 entries a day, they've had Alex crashing parties at The Watergate and Cafe Milano -- and he isn't even old enough to drink (legally).

I hope they are paying little Alex $7/hour (D.C. minimum wage), at the very least.

And, if I was Alex, I'd start making half of those 20 posts a day cries for help. (Wasn't the required number of posts was 10-12 when Ana Marie was there?)

For the love of God ... get the boy out into some sunlight.

[Top photo: Alex Pareene, smokin' and sweatin']

Labels: alex pareene, Ana Marie Cox, cafe milano, david lat, gawker, slavery in the city, the sleep deprived, watergate, wonkette

Pffft! Madonna can try, but her kisser is definitely not as big as the ones that belong to huge-mouthed rockers Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler.

Mick's mouth can hold a Goodyear blimp, and Steven's can hold a Boeing 747 ...



Oh, hold on ...



Mick's mouth will fit George Clooney's big [sexy] head ... Jagger wins!

It's 38-degrees in D.C. Wasn't it, like, 75-degrees the other day ... or am I going crazy? Brrr!

Tara Reid. Why does she walk around in her bikini? She looks so much better with clothes and makeup.

Hilary Swank is all over the 2007 Pirelli Calendar and my friend Todd feels for Chad Lowe. He says:

"If you're on your way to Chad Lowe's house, you might want to knock on the garage first. Do it pretty loud, because he might not be able to hear you with his car running."

Poor Chad. We're crying for him, too. Really, we are. *teardrop*

But we can't pull our eyes off of those pics. They're odd and peculiarly intriguing in that "Someone call the cops ... Swank-has-been-drugged-and-kidnapped-and-is-being-forced-to-take-raunchy-pics!" kinda way. Ergh.

• Katie to Tom: "Is that a girdle under there ... or are you just happy to see me?" [Tom Cruise News]
  
  
• Alessandra Ambrosio can write her name. [The Bastardly]
  
  
• Britney was spotted, buying some paper products, at CVS pharmacy yesterday morning -- not just once, but twice. She even changed outfits and hairstyles in between trips. Um, oookay. [TMZ]

Stressed out? Feed the Kitty! I like this Looney Tunes cartoon because it's comfortably mind-numbing.

... straight into the fire.

Britney Spears makes it outta the K-Fed dumpster alive, thanks to the Flashionista Garbage Collection service. [Nosy Snoop]

People have been e-mailing me, asking where on Earth they can find a date. Here is a list I swiped from some psychology site.

Agree or disagree with these spots?

1. The headquarters of your favorite political candidate.
   (Lucky you, it's campaign time. Get on it.)
   
   
2. Your best friend's wedding.
   (I assume it doesn't matter how many s/he has had.)
   
   
3. A hardware store.
   (Women are always lost, the men are always there.)
   
   
4. Your personal trainer's studio.
   (Ugh, I don't like this idea. If you break up then you need a new trainer.)
   
   
5. At someone else's office -- not yours.
   (Agreed. Trust me.)
   
   
6. On a ski lift.
   (Hmmm, I've actually never -- ever -- skied [except cross-country in D.C. during a blizzard]. I am afraid of cold weather and heights.)
   
   
7. Through a dating service with a personality profile like eharmony.
   (Anyone ever tried this? I have only used personality profiles to screen the guys that ask me out. Guess that is sorta similar. And sorta twisted.)
   
   
8. At a mixer for divorcees.
   (Ergh! Hey, who knows?)
   
   
9. At your place of worship.
   (How would I meet someone in my vanity mirror? Just kidding.)
   
   
10. At a Sting concert.
    (Been there, with a date. Didn't see anyone mingling.)
    

I'd add coffee shop and bookstore to this list. That's where guys try to pick me up ... it is also where I fine-tune my bitch-skills. Ugh. Annoying!

Hey guys,

I had to activate the comment moderation because of Viagra-infused spam.

(Now, that's an idea. Make the horny old men eat freakin' nasty canned "chopped pork shoulder" meat to get their kicks. Hormel ought to look into that.).

I will try to approve your comments as quickly as I can. Stupid spammers.

KAC

P.S. In the U.S. alone, an average of four cans of Spam "are consumed every second. If that is true, seems like Hormel could invest in a decent website. Spam.com is about as gross as the luncheon meat it represents.