April 30, 2008
Deja Brew
I thought Tony was just my little secret java pal ... until today ... when he made his debut on the cool 'n yummy Clearspring blog with a new espresso machine:
Ahh, the memories. ... When I saw the photos of Tony and his frothy goodness, there in the kitchen, next to that sexy-hot and perky contraption's headlights, it was total deja brew.
Wait -- I think a caffeine-infused tear just dropped down my face. *sniff sniff* Someone, get me an Iced Soy Caramel Macchiato -- stat!
Labels: my blood type is starbucks
April 29, 2008
Heavenly Hoedown
Taylor Swift is such a little cutie. ... Hmm, and so is Rodney Atkins. Yeehaw! ;-)
All of this reminds me of Hoedown by the Millionaires. ;-p
Labels: music videos
April 28, 2008
Video Killed The Radio Star
For R ... to prove I am really kinda insane: http://www.fandalism.com/index.cfm?songid=213651
Labels: buzz
Love Handle Me
April 26, 2008
Fire! Fire! Wait -- What Is He Wearing?!
Once upon a time, back in 2007, I found myself in the unisex bathroom at Play Lounge with David Beckham -- which is why I can rightfully say ...
Men, I know you've got to shake your groove thing. But, most of you end up looking like major mother stuck-ups in the process of trying to get your groove on.
So, if you must shake, please do it like David Beckham.
Ride the Motorcycle Jacket + T-Shirt
There is something about the motorcycle jacket + t-shirt combo that gets me all hot and happy. Maybe it's the illusion that your Harley is waiting outside to pick my groovy butt up?
Show Some Skin
Go ahead, unbutton that shirt and slap a jacket on. This is Beckham's signature look and who wouldn't like to look and look and look at it?
Go Boho Chic
Rugged jeans can be tres fashionable when paired with boots, a vest, some hot-ass shades and a groovin' cap. Yes. I said "hot ass."
Hush Up, Secret Service-Style
You love your iPod ... and so do I. But, I love it way more when you are in a suit, and listening to Peaches and Herb while thinking about Solid Gold dancers getting their groove on (yeah, yeah!). ;-p
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah! Show 'em how we do it now!
Labels: beckham, fashion faux pas, fashion tips
Think Inside The Box
This is video of man caught in elevator in NYC (in the McGraw-Hill Building) for 41 hours. He was working really late Friday night and went out for a smoke break in the underground parking garage when he got stuck. In this tape, each hour is sped up to 30 seconds. The woman he was working with later said she was really pissed because she thought he had blown off the big project they were working on and went home without telling her. Ack! :-0
[Thanks, Two Stepper!]
Labels: videos
April 24, 2008
Everything But The Kitchen Sink
Speaking of Earth Day ... if you have a dishwasher, here's a tip that will help you save up to 7,300 gallons of water each year:
"According to Consumer Reports, pre-rinsing dishes does not necessarily improve a dishwasher's ability to clean them. By skipping the wash before the wash, you can save up to 20 gallons of water per dishload. At one load a day, that's 7,300 gallons over the course of the year. Not to mention that you're saving time, dishwashing soap, and the energy used to heat the additional water."
My friends and I have tried this with a few different dishwashers and it actually works -- despite the fact that my Mom still preaches the importance and getting every last food particle off of every plate, knife, spoon and fork before loading any dishwasher. :-p
This message brought to you by your friends at Wize.
Labels: save the earth
April 23, 2008
Midnight Sun
Oh, fun! Just found out I'm in the Baltimore Sun! You're the best, Mr. Sessa! Thanks so much for the shout out. Love the Midnight Sun! :-) We're going to have to hit the town soon ... Palma? W00t!
- Kelly Ann Collins on the Midnight Sun [Baltimore Sun]
Labels: midnight sun, sam sessa
April 22, 2008
Cash Now: Politically Correct?
I spent today in Pennsylvania, watching more TV than I've seen in the past three years. ...
And it was one commercial after another: Obama, Clinton, Obama, "Need cash now?", Obama, Clinton, Obama, "It's my money and I need it now!", Obama, Obama, Obama.
Now, I *get* the Obama and Clinton spam.
And, I understand why there are so many more Obama ads out there on this Keystone State's primary election day. [See Clinton Lagging in TV Ad Spending]
But, wow, I didn't realize there were so many companies out there, pushing cash to peeps in exchange for their structured settlements.
Hmm. Maybe Obama should take a hint and start offering people "cold hard cash now" for all of those tax cuts he's planning in exchange for votes. Just sayin' ...
[NOTE: Video 1 (top) is safe for work, but video 2 (below) is NSFW cause you just can't do all that on television.]
P.S. If you landed on this web page while surfing for some cash now, Settlement Quotes, LLC, provides quotes from various companies on lump cash offers for lottery payments, life settlements, lawsuit settlements, etc.
Labels: cash now
April 19, 2008
Literati, Meet Glitterati
The word on Prospect Street is that the ostentatiously stylish fashionistas, which frequent its sidewalks on Sunday mornings, aren't deliberately chic -- and they aren't necessarily narcissistic.
They're just wearing the same outfits they wore out Saturday night.
And despite the fact that the young Washington glitterati are still adorned with day-old sequins and mascara, they still look fabulous as they slink in from their luxe convertibles, purring sports cars, and, yes, limos, into Peacock Cafe.
But there is no walk of shame to this hostess stand. ...
Bloody Marys and Bellinis to the rescue, Sunday brunch just wouldn't be the same for D.C.'s socialites at this modern Washington monument if they weren't nursing themselves back to reality behind Dior shades.
But it's more than a hangover recovery mecca. The restaurant serves as a common ground for old-school Washingtonians and youthful aristocrats alike.
In fact, "Peacock," as those in-the-know call it, is probably one of the only places in the District where you'll see Versace and Chanel-wearing divas sipping dirty martinis next to stroller-pushing Ralph Lauren devotees and President G.W. Bush wannabes.
Gucci and Prada intermixed with some Uggs, Lacoste, senatorial garb and a bit of Dolce & Gabbana?
Yes. It seems that politicos, preps and party creatures alike enjoy the taste of salmon capers, creme fraiche and caramelized shallots on a light pastry crust.
Labels: KAC the Columnist
April 18, 2008
Diary Of A Mad Black Feline
THE DOG'S DIARY
6 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
12 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
5 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
8 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
THE CAT'S DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed rations. I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
This afternoon, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
[Thanks, TwoStepper!]
April 17, 2008
Early Birds Suck Eggs
A night owl at heart, I really don't give a hoot about 6 a.m. spinning classes and sunrise jogs on the National Mall -- let alone 8 a.m. meetings.
But, since most corporate birds of a feather seem to flock together (at daybreak, no less), I routinely find myself wrapped up in odd morning rituals -- like setting four alarms, getting wake-up calls from Mom and asking the homeless dude in the alley to scream when the clock strikes 7.
Yes. My a.m. routine kinda makes Nicholson's McMurphy look sane. But, if it will get me that sweet nest with the bird's eye view, I'll eat the fucking worm.
Labels: night owls do it better
April 16, 2008
Call Off The Barbie Dogs
Does sweet little Sally really need to be making poop come out of her Barbie doll's Golden Retriever? I think not. I can't believe Mattel even released the Barbie and Tanner toy set. I mean, you're kidding me, right? When I was in kindergarten, I had a toy horse that did not go potty -- at all -- like God intended. Mattel's marketing team should have called this doll "Pooper-Scooper Barbie" and been done with it. At least parents would have had fair warning. ... Little girls are going to choke on those pieces of sh*t! >:-|
Labels: dumbest toys hall of fame, speechless
April 14, 2008
Reach For The Moonshine
I've been on an extended "vacation" for a while now. And part of my break has included some time spent in West Virginia, which is where I was born.
But, despite the fact that I grew up in the Mountain State, I didn't realize that moonshine is something people are actually still carrying around in their pockets -- until the other day when a knight in moon-shining amour offered me a shot.
Now, a shot of Patrone, I might do with Piero at Fly nightclub.
And a shot of Jameson, I might do backstage with some rock-and-roll stars.
But moonshine ... now people (even those who know me in the wild and wonderful hills), you should know I have my limits.
I did smell the moonshine, which I thought had the aroma of sake, but passed on it as my father threatened to behead the knight via shotgun.
Come rain or moonshine, when a guy offers me a shot in West Virginia ... he'd better be ready to run for the hills.
Labels: almost heaven west virginia
Whining And Dining
Should children drink wine? The New York Times explores the issue, which Stuff White People Like declared #93 on its list:
- Can Sips At Home Prevent Binges?
"It usually doesn't take. Most of the time kids -- teenagers, anyway -- would as soon snicker at their old man's obsessions as indulge him. Even so, I can't help hoping that my sons might share my taste in music and food, books and movies, ball teams and politics. Why should wine be any different?"
YES: Being able to declare "my favorite wine as a child" in a conversation is recognized as more impressive than stories about extended visits to wine regions. In fact, it can only be topped by a story about opening your own vineyard.
NO: White people also enjoy binge drinking.
LAST CALL: White are really going to hate this post.
Labels: humor, Stuff White People Like
April 13, 2008
In The Air
In this video, Kobe Bryant jumps a car, which is traveling at 50 mph. But, um, come on ... would his contractual guidelines really let him go face-to-face with a speeding Aston Martin? Nevertheless, this is some doggone good viral marketing -- which must have those Nike execs jumping for joy.
Labels: videos, viral marketing
April 11, 2008
Go West
I am from West Virginia.
My friend, Tony, is from Virginia.
Tony thought this would make me laugh.
Well, um, all I have to say is ... "I thought Virginia was fer lovers? What's reedin', rightin' and that thar artithmatik gots to do wif it?"
Tony is such a charmer.
Labels: humor, west virginia jokes
Gift Of Flab
Right now, I am listening to Rockstar by Nickelback on the iPod I bought for my ex. He always talked about working out, but rarely used his gym membership, so I thought it might be an inspirational gift. Nevertheless, he made me mad one day ... so I ripped off the pretty holiday wrap and kept the little music machine for myself. As a result, I started exercising more. Good for my ass; bad for his.
Labels: exercise your right to note, ipodalicious
April 10, 2008
This Nest Is Best
In D.C. and in the mood to shop? Today, Nest is partnering with Circle Boutique and The Blue House:
- The Circle Boutique event is being held from 6 to 8 p.m. when you may sip wine, enjoy light hors d'oeuvres and shop for a cause! Exclusive Nest items will be for sale and 15% of all purchases from Circle Boutique will go toward supporting Nest's Mission.
- Additionally, The Blue House is donating 10% of sales on the 10th to Nest when you present this coupon at checkout.
[Thanks, Marissa!]
Labels: charity events, dc
Red-Carpet Treatment
Baltimore, an often forgotten city (to those of us who live on the outskirts, a.k.a. Washington), is home to many well-known personalities.
So many household names, if fact, that I had to make a list:
- Figure skater Dorothy Hamill
- Actor David Hasselhoff
- Jazz singer Billie Holiday
- U.S. Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall
- Baseball player Babe Ruth
- Hip hop artist Tupac Shakur
- TV talk-show host Montel Williams
And the city is about to become home to two new cool icons: Red Door and Palma.
Red Door is a promoting group, and Palma (opening May 22 in the old Stadio spot) is a new megaclub that "will be like nothing else Baltimore has to offer with state of the art lighting, sound system and an atmosphere that can be unmatched." (DJs AM, Van Buuren, Tiesto and Deep Dish are already booked to spin at Palma, which shares an owner with D.C.'s Ibiza.)
Some other places to check out if you find yourself in Dorothy Hamill's back yard?
- Red Maple: Modern dinner-lounge featuring new Asian tapas, cocktails, down tempo DJs and late-night lounging.
- Lemongrass: Urban atmosphere with authentic Thai, spicy nightlife and a relaxed lounge.
- Pazo: Sophisticated Mediterranean restaurant-lounge in a space of such staggering heights that patrons swoon upon entering.
[Thanks to Marta, Sam Sessa & a DJ without a name]
Labels: baltimore, lounges, restaurants
Preaching To The Choir
Are you there God? It's me, Kelly.
Judy Blume STILL has five titles on the American Library Association's "Most Challenged Books" list -- making her one of the most banned authors in the United States.
Could you please tell me why so many PTA members are so effed up?
Labels: cleanliness is next to godliness, Stuff White People Don't Like, things that make you go "hmm"
April 09, 2008
On The Road: Deep Thoughts
I've been out of town, and it's refreshing to know (thanks for Facebook and MySpace updates) that nothing's really changed in D.C. since I left. The gold-diggers are still shoveling, the players are still batting and the cherry trees are still blossoming.
But things are definitely not the same as I remember outside Washington, including my thoughts. Here are a few things that have crossed my mind while on the road:
- If you are jogging on a country road and see a lumberjack with a chainsaw, it is probably best to act like a deer caught in headlights and then run for your life.
- To all psycho killers who read my blog: Why not spray those closets full of bodies with some Febreze Air Effects Berries & Paradise scent now and then? It's a real picker upper.
- Today, I reached 666 friends on Facebook. See, it is the devil.
- I hope that when I die people put pretty flowers on my grave, because it would be really embarrassing to be the only dead girl in the cemetery without flowers.
- If a failing nightclub rebranded itself by changing its name to Xanadu, I bet Olivia Newton-John would strap on some skates and roll in. Now that would really change an image!
Labels: deep thoughts, facebook is the devil, i'm from outer myspace
April 08, 2008
The Italian Embassy: This Thursday!
Come on out and show your support (while drinking Ketel One Vodka, of course) with at the 2008 "Man & Woman of the Year" campaign Kick Off Party at the Italian Embassy April 10th! RSVP today!
Labels: Team LLS Angels
April 07, 2008
Employee Morale Down?
You can't really call me Al
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
[For Tony, because he really likes it when people call him Betty.]
Labels: dedications, i'm on vacation so this is as good as my blogging gets today, you can't really call me al
April 04, 2008
Speak To Me
Coolidge was known for his terse speech and reticence. A woman bet her friend that she could get him to speak to her, which was something he was reluctant to do. She went up to him and said, "Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me." "You lose," Coolidge replied dryly, and walked away.
[Video: The Speaks via the nomophobic SoapBox Killer.]
Labels: local bands, music videos
Mark Zuckerberg, Gimme More.
We all know that Facebook is fricking pimpin' and rules the skool. But being the greedy, perfectionistic biatch that I am ... I want more.
And forget apps. I want in-house features that will make my life happier and more user-friendly (no download required):
- Sleeping with the enemy: Screw limited profiles. I want an "Add to enemies" button that will block evil f*ckers who've done me wrong, and then add them to a snazzy Enemies List. JFK said we should forgive our enemies, but never forget their names. I am all about it.
- Getting the milk for free: After a redneck pokes me with his digital prod, oh, I don't know, 40 times a week, I start feeling feistier than a mare in heat. So I need a "kick back" link and a fancy schmancy ban feature that'll corral these broadband cowboys til the cows come home.
- Keep your frenemies closer: "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend," said Abe Lincoln. This is why I want a "frenemy" option that'll block mini-feeds belonging to backstabbers I'd like to forget -- but save them in digest format for in-depth review at a later date, if needed.
- Single white female: I know I'm complicated, but do I really have to pretend I am married to my best friend to get myself out of the little search bot's indexing process? My 100-pound body is tired of running from scary pervos. So, how about the option to choose "single, not looking" as my relationship status?
All is fair in love and Facebook. ... Dear Zuck, gimme more.
[pic via bizweek]
Labels: craving a zuckerberger, facebook is the devil
April 03, 2008
Straight From Obama's iPodium ...
Hmm, judging by the 1984 music charts, 1984 could've been Obama's year:
- Footloose by Kenny Loggins
- Against All Odds by Phil Collins
- What's Love Got To Do With It by Tina Turner
- Jump by Van Halen
- Hello - Lionel Richie
- Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr.
- Say, Say, Say by Paul Mccartney And Michael Jackson
Obama, KAC wants to know: What's on your iPod?
*** Thanks to SoapBox Killer, the guy who brought the 1984 ad to my attention. (Psst ... SoapDish Revival, I am telling you, that's where it's @! W00t!) ***
Labels: obama, political humor, videos
April 02, 2008
The Days Of Our Meta-Filtered Lives
The break-up of Jason Preston and Marc Jacobs has been stressful ... for them. But for those who like getting their mini-feed kicks on, it's been kind of amusing.
In other words, some people's meta-realities are the stuff Web 2.0 nightmares are made of. And I can say this, because I've had some social media tragedies of my own.
In fact, the last guy I dated accidentally broke up with me on Facebook (bless his non-technical little heart). And, to make a long story short, after 500 of my closest friends and colleagues received the update -- complete with that heart-breaking broken heart icon -- our relationship ended tragically ever after.
Moral to the story: Just ignore that oxytocin buzz, Ivy League virgin-style, and keep your relationship status set at interested in random play so you can keep poking whatever you can get from the privacy of your own laptop.
[nymag, fillr, manhattanoffender]
Labels: facebook is the devil, love in a meta-filter
April 01, 2008
Ivy League Virgins: Dryhump and STFU
Sometimes, like when I am reading a New York Times Mag article on Ivy League virgins, I wonder ... "What if I'd stayed a virgin?"
But the thought leaves my mind when I realize that Ivy League virgins don't do *it* because they fear oxytocin -- aka the hormone of love -- unlike normal virgins who fear all that is evil (like Satan, "The Clap" and bastard kids hopped up on Ritalin).
My advice to virgins (Ivy Leaguers, Bible Belters and hypochondriacs alike): Get together, get drunk, dryhump and STFU.
Gee, whodathunkit ... becoming infatuated the person you're boinking? What a horribly distracting pain in that ass that would would be.
- Article: Students Of Virginity [NY Times]
Labels: ivy league stupidity, oxytocin cures divorce, virgin slut whores
Smoking: Not Better Than Xanax
Lisa Simpson started smoking as the result of ballerina peer pressure last night. She's doing it to stay thin and to cope with dance class stress. What I wanna know is ... why didn't she just become drunkorexic and start popping Xanax like the rest of the us?
- Article: Daily Dish: Drunkorexia
- See also: Brideorexia
Labels: cristal is the devil, drunk as a skunk, drunkorexia, tv sucks that's why i youtube
Uggs? Ugh!
Talk about a completely ugly situation -- a train hit and killed a 29-year-old girl named Kelly (not me, obviously) in England when her Uggs got stuck in the train tracks. [The Sun]
I trip and fall and get stuck in things all the time while wearing all different types of shoes and boots (ask my friends ... I am the clumsiest). So I will stay far, far away from train tracks from now on ...
Ergh, by the way, IMHO ... these are the ugliest Uggs -- ever!
Labels: news of the weird
THE ARCHIVES
- March 2006
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- January 2008
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